Winter continues to press down on my soul, but I refuse to give in to this seasonal condition. For those of you who live with snow and sub zero temperature, I know that you will relate to my “cabin fever”. On this Sunday morning, I tore out the advertisement for the Home & Patio Show which had a picture of tulips. Today I will make plans to visit “spring”. It might turn into a trip to the Show or maybe a lunch at Bachman’s. My need to see colorful living plants is strong and hopefully will not be denied. So for me today, an early escape from the season of winter into spring will be enough to revitalize my soul.

Julie, when reading your blog I thought of what an old friend of my mother’s would say “the only thing constant in life is change”.  I have found that to be true whether we embrace it or fight it.   I always say I can adjust to just about anything if you give me enough time.  We are creatures of habit and get comfortable with what we know, good, bad or indifferent.  My advice to people is to build as many positive relationships as possible so when life slaps you in the face you will have an abundance of people that care about you.  Of course those same friends are there when GOOD THINGS happen as well.

You will see a category of “Life’s Transitions” that I’ve added on the blog.  This is a collection of others’ stories of transition and change - what they have experienced and learned on their own journeys. 

I believe deep in my soul the value of what we know ourselves and also what we learn from other experiences.  Experts are important in our world, but so are the wounded healers that live in each of us. 

Please share your own story of transitions and change. 

I moved back to my hometown after living a pretty amazing 15 years away in many different places.  I left my hometown as sort of a misfit, definitely uncool and not sure of who I was.  I sailed off to the Navy for four years, through relationships and friendships with amazing people, through 13 cities in 9 years, through college, and the opportunities that followed and all of those things eventually led me back to my roots.  I think I needed to bring it full circle in a way…to go back to the place where my journey began. I wanted to be married here and to have my baby here. The Black Hills have always been special to me. To me this place has always felt like my favorite sweatshirt on a Saturday; a place of easy familiarity and comfort.  

So, here I am. I’ve got a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby, a wonderful home, and a challenging career. I’m pretty much living the dream, right?   I am living the dream. I am truly “soles of my feet” happy.  However, one thing baffles me.  Ok, there are way more things that baffle me, but I want to talk about this particular thing. It seems to me and in more than one instance and with more than one person….I have changed.  I have gone away and had all of these amazing experiences and really come into my own. I have become what I feel is a woman of strength, courage and determination. I have had diverse friends and lived in cities. I have sailed the ocean blue.  Yet, it would seem that after all of that and coming back here….sometimes I’m perceived as who I was when I left. 

Let me illustrate.  I went to a funeral recently for a high school friend’s mother.  I was actually in a pretty serious car accident with this girl in high school and therefore had great respect and affection for her mother.  Anyway, I felt compelled to attend. It was a lovely service.  I was in the church lobby after the service and there were 2 girls (I guess we’re ladies now) who I also went to school with.  I was nowhere near their level of cool in high school and never included in their reindeer games for certain. Anyway, one of the girls comes up to me and very snottily said “what’s your name?”…I stammered and answered her and told her my maiden name and that we went to the same high school, They both sort of looked at me and clearly did not remember me in the least.  In that moment, I was 17 again and uncool. I was insecure, not pretty enough to be alive, and self conscious. I was actually transformed into someone I didn’t recognize…instantly.  

I wish I could say that this is the only time this has happened to me. It isn’t.  I have experienced this very phenomenon with family members, and other people who essentially knew me and remember me as someone other than the person I am today.  What is this called? How do I keep being the me I am today when confronted with someone else’s rendition of a “me” they knew in another era of my life? This has everything to do with change and people’s perceptions.  Are perceptions reality? I’m not through the woods on this one yet and I would appreciate any comments. I’m very bothered by the whole experience at the funeral. I cried all the way home from that funeral and I don’t know why.

No one who knew me was surprised to see that I was more frightened than thrilled as the prospect of retirement.  I hate change! 

So what did I do? First I talked with a quiet counselor who told me it was just fine to grieve, as I was leaving a life I loved.  Then, I wrote!  I have always been a sporadic journaler, and this retirement passage got me writing again.  It became the way I could listen to myself and learn about myself.   I could celebrate and record the things about my working life that I loved.  I could mourn that this part of my life was going to be behind me.  I could be honest about my fears.  I could reassure myself over and over.  I could record my baby steps at trying new activities and meeting new people. Writing about what I was experiencing made me really notice that phases I was going through.  THANKS FOR YOUR JOURNAL!

How very relevant!! Since December 1, my partner and I have been trying to adjust to Cuernavaca, Mexico. Talk about getting used to new space!    We are trying to decide if we should buy an apartment, so we go back and forth about whether we want to make a big jump and buy a place here.  I have not done what you suggest and create a comfortable space for me to be and work.  Really need to be more intentional about that.

We’ve also been doing something like the moving out in rings. We made a mistake on the first bus ride and ended up riding for 3 hours to get back to where we’d started. We were both totally exhausted. Since then we’ve done much better at getting on the right bus. That is a big step forward.

 I need to get ready to go to language class. Thanks again for being in my world — inspiring me and others with your ideas.

I am right in the middle of a transition and do not know where I am going.  I am beginning a new journey and am very excited to see where it leads me.  Retiring is scary.  I have always been so busy I have not had time to think.  Then you pick a date and say I am ending this stage of life and as that day approaches it gets scarier and scarier.  I am searching to find things to do to keep me busy.  I can be grandma, knit, read and watch tv.   I can’t jump into too much and over commit myself right now.  I am having a knee replacement sometime after the first of the year so I am on hold for a few months, but then my world should start to open up!

I feel the disorientation in your entry, like many of us go through…which end is up!?!? I remember a friend (my old boss actually) saying that when he and his family moved to St Louis that they got to know the neighborhood by mile radiuses. The first week they got to know their neighbors. The second week they found the short cuts to school, grocery stores and shops. The 3^rd week they found their dentist and doctor’s offices. Every week that radius grew for everyone in their family. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

-Julie H