Living in a new environment during the holidays has got me thinking about the traditions we carry with us in our lives. 

This year was different for my husband and me.  We did not spend the holidays with our families and our long time friends.  Instead we went to Jingle in the Jungle at Reptile Gardens and spent part of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with new friends.   (A special thanks to the families out here that adopted us during the holidays.  I will remember to pass that one on.)

One of the many lessons I learned from my mom is that there are always new and different ways to celebrate the holidays - that you need to stay flexible.  I thank her for that gift every year about this time.  No matter how hard we try we can’t carry all of the old traditions with us.  It is much less stressful if we prioritize, let go of some of the old and try some new things.

I would have made myself miserable out here this Christmas if I had tried to hold onto all the traditions we had in Minnesota.  It was not easy and I had to be very intentional about what I was going to let go of, but I made it and was pretty happy in the meantime.

I am right in the middle of a transition and do not know where I am going.  I am beginning a new journey and am very excited to see where it leads me.  Retiring is scary.  I have always been so busy I have not had time to think.  Then you pick a date and say I am ending this stage of life and as that day approaches it gets scarier and scarier.  I am searching to find things to do to keep me busy.  I can be grandma, knit, read and watch tv.   I can’t jump into too much and over commit myself right now.  I am having a knee replacement sometime after the first of the year so I am on hold for a few months, but then my world should start to open up!

I was facilitating a group yesterday who are transitioning into a new way of working with each other.  This was the third time I have worked with them over the last few months and was struck with how tired they seemed.

Many people are tired around the holidays I’ve noticed.  And for this group that was compounded with the weariness that comes in the middle of transitions.  In the middle of a transition, it seems that people are split between the desire to hurry up to get to the new place and those that want to go back to the way things were.  Both sides are simply trying to escape the uncertainty of that middle ground of transitions. 

It takes a lot of patience to allow yourself time to be in this middle ground.  So as I wished for this group, I wish for you……may you find sometime during this hectic season to sit with your feet up and relax.  Take good care of yourself. 

I am trying all sorts of new things these days.  My latest foray has been into the world of news releases.  It remains to be seen if I was unconsciously incompetent or consciously competent.  You’ll have to read yesterday’s blog for the translation.  When trying something new, there is some inherent risk involved.  I don’t know why it is but some days it is easier to take the risks than others. 

I’ll let you know if I get any response. 

Back to Minnesota to do some work next week and go to a couple of Christmas parties. 

I am tired this morning of living and working in a new place. 

Someone told me this once, and I will see if I can explain it.  When you enter into a new environment - whether a new job, new home, new way of living you have to be conscious of how you operate.  It is a different routine and you can’t work, think or play in the same way.  For instance when you have been in the same job for a long time there are many things you do well that become routine - unconscious competence.  You are good at what you do and it is just part of you.   Think of the difference between the first day home with your new baby and ten years later as you get them out the door to school.  You do many things unconsciously and are competent at it.  (Well ok, most days we’re competent.)

Now imagine starting something new - unconscious incompetence.  It takes awhile for us to figure out the lay of the land.  When first starting something new, we don’t even know what we don’t know.  Got that.  I have had the experience when starting something completely new and different, that I don’t even know the questions to ask.  Think ignorance is bliss.

Sooner or later we start figuring some things out and move into conscious incompetence.  We have to consciously think about what we are doing and at the same time, know that we still are learning and might not be too good at it yet. 

After this we move into the state of conscious competence - where we still have to be very intentional about our actions, but we are getting better at operating in the new environment.  Eventually, we get to unconscious competence - where we can gracefully dance with the situation and not even be aware of what we are doing.

Which gets me to the entire point of this entry.  For me, the most difficult time  is that of conscious incomptence.  That is when I get tired and cranky.  I get so impatient during this time - I want to have all the answers and have everything figured out.   But what I have learned about transitions is that even though this time is so uncomfortable that we would do just about anything to get out of it, it is also very important.  This period of transition is when we are the most creative as we try to problem solve our way through.  If we allow ourselves the gift of time to to live and breath in this conscious incompetence, we will grow as individuals. 

It is critical to remember that it just takes time.  You can’t rush it.  (Trust me, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work.) 

You need to be patient with yourself.  Learn how to take deep breaths.  Remind yourself that it will all work out and you have the grace and knowledge to survive and grow in this time of conscious incompetence.

I have been on a few days of vacation at my sister’s home in Indiana.  I love visiting my sister.  It is like a space of one’s own that you borrow for a few days.  It’s safe, comfortable and lovely.  It also got an unusual amount of snow and ice so I didn’t get back when I had planned.  Something about planes, airports, weather delays and connecting flights.

I think what I will do in the future is write on this blog that I will be gone for a few days before I leave instead of after I get back.  I think that might work better. 

It’s odd doing this blog.  I don’t know if people read it, find it useful or I am just whistling in the wind.  But I do like to whistle, so for the time being, I’ll keep trying to figure it all out. 

In times of transition, especially in the middle when nothing seems to make sense, creating a safe, comforting space for yourself is critical. 

A few years ago after my dad had died and I was care-taking for my mom and working way too much, I remember wandering around my home trying to desperately figure out where I could create my own little corner.  Some place where it would be quiet and I could have things surrounding me that gave me strength, peace and hope.  This lesson was brought home to me again this last fall when we first moved to our new home in the Black Hills.  Once again, I found myself wandering around looking for the spot I would call my own. 

I took over the downstairs bedroom.  Down came the fly-fishing wallpaper and up went the soft green and beige walls.  Down came the rods and reels and trophys to dead fish and up went pictures that I like, lamps with soft light that I am convinced help me to look younger and the table top fountain I put in the corner with the running water that gives me comfort. 

I suppose over time, it won’t seem so important to me to have this space but during this time of disorientation and transition, there is some comfort in having a space of my own.

Have you ever created a space of your own?

One of the ways my husband convinced me to move to the Black Hills of South Dakota was by telling me how nice the weather was in the winter.  He calls it the “banana belt”  (Remember we moved from Minnesnowta.)  I fell for it hook, line and sinker. 

This morning it is 0 degrees and it snowed a little last night.  I think the bananas froze!

When you are in a familiar situation there are things that guide you.  You know what street to turn on to get to the library.  You know which shrub that the person who delivers your morning paper usually gets your paper under.  You know the route to your bathroom in the dark.  But what are the compass points that guide you when you are in a new place.

I went for a hike the other day and got lost.  All those trees, rocks and hills look remarkably the same.  Around and around I went.  To make a long story short, after going up and down yet another quite steep hill, I saw the familiar road that runs past our house.  Three hours later I made it home.  I needed a compass to point me in the right direction.

There are many things that guide me in a normal day:  the clock, my clients, my to-do list, the needs of my family and friends, my head and my heart.  Some days I am so busy reacting that I have no time to plan or to be proactive.  During times of change and transitions there needs to be a balance between the two. 

There are times, especially early on in the transition when the losses and endings are so raw that all you can do is react.  It is what you need to do in order to survive.  But if you are truly going to grow in this time of change, you need to find quiet time to think, to plan, to listen to yourself.   Spend time listening to what you heart and head are saying.  Tracking what lessons you have learned in your life and how they may apply to the current situation.  Find what your compass points are.   

For me, one of my compass points in life is learning:  new knowledge and ideas mixed in with what I already know and feel.  So maybe in addition to knowing what general direction I am walking because of the position of the sun, I need to learn how to accurately read a compass so I don’t get lost on my next hike.

Let me know what compass points are in your life.

Welcome to the Journey of Transitions blog. 

 All of us at some point in our lives make changes - we transition from the way we know and are comfortable with to a brand new way of thinking and looking.  This transition can be relatively easy and smooth all the way to remarkably difficult and rocky. 

I have co-authored a book on Change (Seasons of Change:  A Journey of Self-Discovery) and I do speaking and consulting on the topic.  Some people would say I am an expert.   But I like to think of myself more as the wounded healer.  I struggle with change as much and at times more than others.  I find myself thinking that, “I should be better at this.” 

I have been in a period of transition for the last four years.  I used to think that I should be in the remedial change group (that’s a term from my childhood that should give you some idea how old I am).  But I have started to think that maybe life is a journey and I should enjoy the ride a little instead of always trying to “figure it out” or control it or ignore it.  (Just a hint - I’ve tried them all and they don’t work too well). 

The latest transition in my life is that I’ve moved to a new locale.  I went from Minnesota to the Black Hills of South Dakota.  I went from living in a town to living in the country.  From the flat prairie to the hills.  From a blue state to a red state.  It can be quite disorientating.  I think most change and the resulting transitions can throw you for a loop.  At times it’s quite temporary - think of your favorite grocery store being remodeled.  But at other times it can feel like your world has been flipped upside-down and nothing will ever be the same.  It is frightening and painful.  Choosing to move is kinda in the middle of those two extremes. 

When I first got out here, I couldn’t even find the grocery store, much less care if the peanut butter was in a different location.  Now at least I know of two different grocery stores where I wander a little but no longer is a trip to get milk and eggs like a polar expedition.  I’ve figured out how to forward my cell phone calls.  (We don’t get cell phone service in the Hills where I live.)  I’ve gotten new business cards and letterhead with my new address on them.  So I am making progress.  Each little step you take, helps with that feeling of disorientation.  Somedays it feels like I take two steps back for each step forward.  But that is the way it works (dammit anyhow!) 

It was suggested to me that maybe I should start a blog about transitions and share what I know and what I am learning.  So I would like to invite you to join me on a journey of transition.

If you would like, please share you own stories and what you’ve learned on your own journeys.  Your lessons, struggles and successes will help others as they take their own journeys of transition.