Ok, I said that I had sent out some news releases a couple of weeks ago and didn’t know what would happen.  Well I guess you could say there is good news and bad news.  The good news is that I didn’t have to do any interviews and figure out what to say.  The bad news is that I did not do any interviews.  Nothing.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.

Back to the drawing board. 

There were times during transitioning when something like this would have almost defeated me.  In the journal, “Seasons of Change” Carol and I talk about how during the Season of Loss and Season of Quiet it is hard to try new things because you have such low energy.  The risk of new feels too great.  You aren’t able / willing to put yourself out there.  But in the Season of Discovery, you start to take some risks, try new things.

I must be in the Season of Discovery, so now I will figure out something else and try it.

Living in a new environment during the holidays has got me thinking about the traditions we carry with us in our lives. 

This year was different for my husband and me.  We did not spend the holidays with our families and our long time friends.  Instead we went to Jingle in the Jungle at Reptile Gardens and spent part of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with new friends.   (A special thanks to the families out here that adopted us during the holidays.  I will remember to pass that one on.)

One of the many lessons I learned from my mom is that there are always new and different ways to celebrate the holidays - that you need to stay flexible.  I thank her for that gift every year about this time.  No matter how hard we try we can’t carry all of the old traditions with us.  It is much less stressful if we prioritize, let go of some of the old and try some new things.

I would have made myself miserable out here this Christmas if I had tried to hold onto all the traditions we had in Minnesota.  It was not easy and I had to be very intentional about what I was going to let go of, but I made it and was pretty happy in the meantime.

I am right in the middle of a transition and do not know where I am going.  I am beginning a new journey and am very excited to see where it leads me.  Retiring is scary.  I have always been so busy I have not had time to think.  Then you pick a date and say I am ending this stage of life and as that day approaches it gets scarier and scarier.  I am searching to find things to do to keep me busy.  I can be grandma, knit, read and watch tv.   I can’t jump into too much and over commit myself right now.  I am having a knee replacement sometime after the first of the year so I am on hold for a few months, but then my world should start to open up!

I was facilitating a group yesterday who are transitioning into a new way of working with each other.  This was the third time I have worked with them over the last few months and was struck with how tired they seemed.

Many people are tired around the holidays I’ve noticed.  And for this group that was compounded with the weariness that comes in the middle of transitions.  In the middle of a transition, it seems that people are split between the desire to hurry up to get to the new place and those that want to go back to the way things were.  Both sides are simply trying to escape the uncertainty of that middle ground of transitions. 

It takes a lot of patience to allow yourself time to be in this middle ground.  So as I wished for this group, I wish for you……may you find sometime during this hectic season to sit with your feet up and relax.  Take good care of yourself. 

I am trying all sorts of new things these days.  My latest foray has been into the world of news releases.  It remains to be seen if I was unconsciously incompetent or consciously competent.  You’ll have to read yesterday’s blog for the translation.  When trying something new, there is some inherent risk involved.  I don’t know why it is but some days it is easier to take the risks than others. 

I’ll let you know if I get any response. 

Back to Minnesota to do some work next week and go to a couple of Christmas parties. 

I am tired this morning of living and working in a new place. 

Someone told me this once, and I will see if I can explain it.  When you enter into a new environment - whether a new job, new home, new way of living you have to be conscious of how you operate.  It is a different routine and you can’t work, think or play in the same way.  For instance when you have been in the same job for a long time there are many things you do well that become routine - unconscious competence.  You are good at what you do and it is just part of you.   Think of the difference between the first day home with your new baby and ten years later as you get them out the door to school.  You do many things unconsciously and are competent at it.  (Well ok, most days we’re competent.)

Now imagine starting something new - unconscious incompetence.  It takes awhile for us to figure out the lay of the land.  When first starting something new, we don’t even know what we don’t know.  Got that.  I have had the experience when starting something completely new and different, that I don’t even know the questions to ask.  Think ignorance is bliss.

Sooner or later we start figuring some things out and move into conscious incompetence.  We have to consciously think about what we are doing and at the same time, know that we still are learning and might not be too good at it yet. 

After this we move into the state of conscious competence - where we still have to be very intentional about our actions, but we are getting better at operating in the new environment.  Eventually, we get to unconscious competence - where we can gracefully dance with the situation and not even be aware of what we are doing.

Which gets me to the entire point of this entry.  For me, the most difficult time  is that of conscious incomptence.  That is when I get tired and cranky.  I get so impatient during this time - I want to have all the answers and have everything figured out.   But what I have learned about transitions is that even though this time is so uncomfortable that we would do just about anything to get out of it, it is also very important.  This period of transition is when we are the most creative as we try to problem solve our way through.  If we allow ourselves the gift of time to to live and breath in this conscious incompetence, we will grow as individuals. 

It is critical to remember that it just takes time.  You can’t rush it.  (Trust me, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work.) 

You need to be patient with yourself.  Learn how to take deep breaths.  Remind yourself that it will all work out and you have the grace and knowledge to survive and grow in this time of conscious incompetence.

I have been on a few days of vacation at my sister’s home in Indiana.  I love visiting my sister.  It is like a space of one’s own that you borrow for a few days.  It’s safe, comfortable and lovely.  It also got an unusual amount of snow and ice so I didn’t get back when I had planned.  Something about planes, airports, weather delays and connecting flights.

I think what I will do in the future is write on this blog that I will be gone for a few days before I leave instead of after I get back.  I think that might work better. 

It’s odd doing this blog.  I don’t know if people read it, find it useful or I am just whistling in the wind.  But I do like to whistle, so for the time being, I’ll keep trying to figure it all out. 

I feel the disorientation in your entry, like many of us go through…which end is up!?!? I remember a friend (my old boss actually) saying that when he and his family moved to St Louis that they got to know the neighborhood by mile radiuses. The first week they got to know their neighbors. The second week they found the short cuts to school, grocery stores and shops. The 3^rd week they found their dentist and doctor’s offices. Every week that radius grew for everyone in their family. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

-Julie H

In times of transition, especially in the middle when nothing seems to make sense, creating a safe, comforting space for yourself is critical. 

A few years ago after my dad had died and I was care-taking for my mom and working way too much, I remember wandering around my home trying to desperately figure out where I could create my own little corner.  Some place where it would be quiet and I could have things surrounding me that gave me strength, peace and hope.  This lesson was brought home to me again this last fall when we first moved to our new home in the Black Hills.  Once again, I found myself wandering around looking for the spot I would call my own. 

I took over the downstairs bedroom.  Down came the fly-fishing wallpaper and up went the soft green and beige walls.  Down came the rods and reels and trophys to dead fish and up went pictures that I like, lamps with soft light that I am convinced help me to look younger and the table top fountain I put in the corner with the running water that gives me comfort. 

I suppose over time, it won’t seem so important to me to have this space but during this time of disorientation and transition, there is some comfort in having a space of my own.

Have you ever created a space of your own?